Poppea's Revenge  
 Tuesday, November 7, 2000 
 Wednesday, November 8, 2000 

Disclaimer:  I do not own DBZ/GT.  This is a fan story and no money is being made.  No infringement is intended.

Author's Note:  I hate the whole Trunks/Pan relationship pairing.  I think it's sick and evil.  However, instead of protesting this with nasty flames and such (like some people do, 
whom I'm not going to name) , I decided to be mature and protest this in a fic.  If you love t/p pairings, then don't read this.  This is told mostly from Pan's POV (in third person), 
but has two Trunks parts in it, and one Bra.
Yes, I know I borrowed some songs from Sailor Moon.  (Like the first line in "Moonlight Densetsu", and a few from the dub's "Only a Memory Away").  They belong to someone in Japan and DiC.

Pots and Pans, Hearts and Hands

Prologue
        "NO!" Trunks screamed as her body hit the ground.  He was instantly by her side, cradling her head and rocking back and forth.  Pan forced her eyes open and looked at him.

        Pan squeezed his hand with as much energy as her dying body could control.  "... I'm sorry ..." she coughed and a small trail of blood dripped from her mouth.   She managed a smile.  "I'm sorry I'm not honest," her body then shook under violent tremors.  Her life was slipping away and there was nothing Trunks could do about it.  "I can say that I don't love you ... "  Son Pan breathed her last breath and her body collapsed.

        "No," Trunks sobbed and huddled over Pan's still form as the last of her spirit flooded out through the gashes in her wrists.

Chapter One
        Pan fidgeted in her seat as Trunks leaned across the table and grabbed the plate of hot rolls.  He leaned back and stuffed several in his mouth.  He looked at Pan, paused, then slid the remaining rolls toward Pan.  She managed to hide her blush as she accepted one and bit into it slowly.   Pan smiled and looked down into her plate.  She knew she shouldn't feel that way about Trunks.  He was so much older than she was.  A little voice in her head said it was wrong.

        "Pan?"  her father brought her still blushing face forward.  "Are you all right?"

        Pan shrugged.  "I'm not feeling well,"  She shifted in her seat, "May I be excused?"

        Videl nodded, and as Pan left, she caught Trunks' confused expression.

***

        "Why can't he love me?"  Pan sobbed to her stuffed bear as she buried her face in her pillow.  She had just left the nightmare dinner in which Trunks announced he was marrying Marron.  She had barely retained her cool composure, faked illness, then ran to her room.

        "Pan?"  Pan rolled onto her back and looked up to the door.  Bra was standing with her hands on her hips and an angry and disappointed expression on her face.  "Are you all right?"  

        Pan collapsed back to the pillow.  She shook her head and started sobbing again.  "... no."

        Bra came in and perched at the foot of the bed.  "What's wrong?"

        "Trunks is marrying Marron."  Bra remained silent.  Pan rolled to her side and pushed herself up.  "And not me."

        "You knew that, Pan.  We've known it for weeks."

        "Yeah," Pan wiped her watering eyes on her shirt sleeve.  "I knew it, but hearing it was so different.  Trunks actually came out and said it.  Now, I'll never have a chance with him."

        Bra hugged her friend reassuringly.  "It'll be all right,"  She tried to smile, but it came out as an awkward frown.

        "He doesn't even know how I feel,"  Pan smiled grimly.  "I was going to tell him."  Her gaze caught on Bra's doubtful look.  "I really was.  He'll never know how I feel."

        "So why don't you tell him?"

        Pan shook her head and a new wave of tears fell from her eyes.  "I'm afraid to."  She sniffled and hugged her stuffed bear.  "What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

        "You'll never know unless you ask."

Chapter Two
        Trunks grasped Pan's outstretched hands and pushed them down.  "Pan, you don't know what you're feeling."

        Pan jerked out of his grasp.  "I do know what I feel!  I've felt it for a long time!"

        "Pan, infatuations aren't healthy - "

        "Infatuations?"  She repeated.  "Infatuations."  Tears threatened to escape as she quickly turned away.  She wiped them away with tissue and turned back to Trunks.  She shouldn't have told him.  What he must think of me now.  She rubbed her hand over her eyes and sadly shook her head.  "Infatuations."

        "Pan, I'm sorry if - "

        "Pan-chan?"  Marron called from the door to the dressing room.  She quickly stepped  back when she saw Trunks.  "Trunks, could you give Pan and me a moment to talk.  It's bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding."

        Trunks sighed and smiled lightly.  Pan cursed herself even more.  She had no right doing this to him on his wedding day.  He loved Marron.  He would never love her.  She let out a mournful sigh and watched him leave.  Marron soon came in, nervous and giddy that was expected in her upcoming marriage.  She ran over to Pan, careful to keep her sparkling white gown clean, and gave her friend a hug.  "I knew it!"  she called in a sing-song  voice.  "These bridesmaids dresses look fantastic!"

        Pan nodded and looked around for her tissue.  She couldn't find it, and let her freshly fallen tears absorb into her white gloves.

        Marron caught the movement and pulled her hands away from her red, swollen eyes.  "Pan, have you been crying?"

        "I - I'm sorry Marron.  I can't be one of your bridesmaids."  She jerked away from Marron's grasp and ran out of the room.

***

        It wasn't worth it.  Her life wasn't worth living anymore.

        Pan watched Trunks kiss Marron mournfully from her spot behind the curtain.  She looked from the breath-taking floral arrangements to the stunning fountain.  She had always wanted an outdoor wedding.  She remembered childish dreams of Trunks marrying her in the same spot where Marron became his wife.  She turned away from the happy scene and walked to the serving table.  No one had touched the food yet, and as soon as Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, and Goten got there, she could only imagine the wreckage the table would be in.  Pan eyed the wedding cake enviously.  She then turned to the sharp knife that would soon cut and serve the beautiful cake to the many guests.  Pan picked up the knife.

        She brought the blade to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut.  She gently applied pressure to the blade, and just as the skin started to break, she stopped.  Laughter rang out from her family and friends from somewhere behind her.  She threw the knife down onto the grass, ignoring the stinging red ribbon that had formed across her chest.  What was I thinking?!  I can't ruin their wedding like this!

        Pan turned away from the ceremony and blasted toward home at full speed.

***

        "Where's Pan?"  Goku asked as everyone took a seat at the large table crammed with food.

        "Oh, she left earlier."  Bra's tone was sad as she looked around for the knife to cut the cake.  She spied it on the grass and almost dropped it.  There was no food on the table that would warrant the red color on the blade.  She remembered seeing Pan there just before she left, and a horrible feeling of dread settled in her stomach.  "Oh no."

***

        It all held a surreal feeling:   Bra's worried phone call, the dying ki, Pan's body falling from the chair, her whispered words.  Trunks held the letter addressed to him all during the funeral.  It had been three days, and he had never let it go, nor could he bring himself to open it.  He watched the dirt start to build up as the rain poured down, knowing that there was someway he could have prevented it all from happening.  Marron tugged at his sleeve, her face pained and grieving as they left the service.  They passed a solemn and unspeaking Gohan, a sobbing ChiChi and Videl, they walked past a weeping Bulma and silent Vegeta, past a regretful Bra, and finally passed a sad Krillin and a silent 18.  Goku stood in the back, his expression emotionless as his granddaughter met her final rest.

        Trunks broke away from Marron and took shelter from the rain under an old willow tree.  He carefully opened the envelope and read the final letter from Pan.

Trunks,

        Gomen ne sunao ja nakute.  I can say that I don't love you.  Life's not worth living.  Don't blame yourself, Trunks - you had little to do with it.  I know I must go find my way.  The hardest part of this will be leaving you all, and I'll miss you much more than words can say.  Could you tell the others something for me?  I know you will, that's part of the reason I love you so.  Tell them that I'm not really gone.  We've been friends through good times and bad.  You've always been there for me.  I'll always treasure the best friends I have, eternally.  I'm not really gone.  I'm only a memory away.  If you need me, you can call me anytime of day, and I'll be there.  It's okay.  I'm only a memory away.  I love you, Trunks.  I know you don't feel the same way, and that's okay.  Tell everyone bye for me.  And don't let my dad blame himself.

 Love,       
    Son Pan

        Trunks felt the tears falling down his face as he read the note.  "Why Pan?  Why?"  He loved her like a sister.  Why would she kill herself?

Epilogue
        "So, that's why you're here?"  The woman shook her head.  "For a man."

        Pan nodded and scuffed her boots along the floor.  She had at first avoided the gaze of the other deceased, but had managed to find a friend in the woman standing beside her.

        "You know you're going to HELL for it, don't you?"

        "Just as long as he knows I love him."

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